Letting Go: 7 Tips to Help You Move On
INSIDE: Learning how to let go isn’t always easy, but with the right strategies, you can finally move past what is causing you pain so you can move forward to a bright future. Use these tips to help you release what isn’t serving you…
“Letting go doesn’t mean we have to get rid of something or someone.
To let go means to let be. When we let something just be with compassion, things come and go on their own”
- Jack Kornfield, Co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society
We all know what it is like to let go of someone or something that is dear to us. Even letting go of a strained relationship or feelings about something difficult can be challenging.
Recently, this concept of “letting go” came up for me as I had to let go of my father, who passed on from his life here. It truly was a blessing to see him leave as he suffered in pain for quite some time.
It’s Not Easy to Know How to Let Go
As my father wrestled with his personal feelings about what was to come once he passes and where he might be going after he left his body, I could see it made him fearful and he continued to hold onto what was familiar.
I could subtly hear his fears in conversations we would have, and I would share what I knew about the afterlife from my perspective, although it was not always comfortable to speak of such things (and our viewpoints were quite different).
Coming from an older way of thinking, my father found it difficult to believe in anything other than the present situation. I, on the other hand, understand the afterlife differently, from my many years in practice with soul regression and energy work.
I always tried to assure my father that it might be better than the pain he was in presently and that “letting go” would benefit him, but knowing how to let go can be difficult. Inevitably, I had to let him go.
Holding On Leads to More Pain
Holding onto pain doesn’t change anything or do any good. Often times, it actually makes things seem worse. Wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to and then let it go.
In fact, Reinhold Nieburhr, an American Theologian said it well when he said: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” - well said!
This is how everything changes.
We must let go of what is hurting, even if it feels impossible. Holding onto the past may hold us back from creating a greater sense of ourselves, one that goes beyond our identity, which is not who we are and want to be defined by. Unfortunately, sometimes, pain is all we know.
How to Let Go: 7 Helpful Tips
When we let go, it will feel less burdensome. It will feel lighter and more empowering. If you find it difficult to let go, here are a few ideas to help you along this path…
Monitor Your Expectations in Your Relationships
I want to share with you one of my favorite phrases. I keep it pinned where I can see it to remind me of its powerful message on a daily basis. It was a soft voice that whispered this in my ear...
“I can’t expect more from people than who they are and what they can give.”
I understand more and more as time goes on that things don’t always go as planned and people aren’t always what we want them to be. And that’s okay.
You may need to be more aware of yourself and your part in the relationship or situation. Know what is triggering your feelings at the time and strive for a shift in how your heart feels. Practice gratitude, appreciation, and trust in the process. And don’t forget to be KIND to yourself....
Release the Outcome
To know how to to let go, it’s best not to be tied into the outcome of things, because it often leads to disappointment. Be open to how the chips fall and realize that everything is for a purpose and that you won’t always understand what that purpose is.
This is where a lot of trust comes into play. Expectations have a way of keeping us stuck because it can often lead to an undesirable outcome. We can take time to breathe and ground ourselves, and if you can’t respond rationally, wait until you can. Create a healthy boundary for yourself and then let go.
Know That You Are in Control
One of the keys in mastering your life is knowing you have the key. You are in charge of yourself and your choices. Empowerment comes within this knowing.
We tend to let ourselves be defined by our limited beliefs. Instead, allow your mind to expand into who you choose to be and believe in yourself from that moment. Anything from the past then doesn’t matter as you’re creating from the present.
Be the Most Important Person in Your Life
You only have control over yourself, and that’s a key to understanding how to let go.
Often, we believe that if we try hard enough, we might convince or change another person. “If only I do everything for everyone, they won’t be mad at me.” This is not helpful thinking and it becomes unfavorable behavior. It will be futile efforts if you try to please all of people all the time.
Start to make yourself most important in how you think and feel. If you are living by what others think is valuable or for their approval, then you are not focused on what you feel inside. Remember, you are most important. At the end of the day, it’s your life!
Learn From Your Mistakes
Have you ever said or done anything stupid? I know I have and wished I could take it back, but unfortunately that’s not possible. It’s like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube – it’s impossible.
So, remember, we can only go forward, but we can learn from our mistakes. After all, that’s the purpose of making a mistake, not to beat yourself up. It’s not stupid to make mistakes – remember you’re human (and so is the other person that might think you’re stupid).
Honor Your Grief for Your Loss
To know how to let go, you must learn to honor yourself.
Allow yourself to feel negative emotions. We all have them; no one is exempt. Whether you’ve lost a loved one through death or a break-up of a relationship or something you wanted, honor your loss. If you try to ignore or cover up your feelings, you will continue to suffer.
It’s okay, in fact, it’s helpful to experience your sadness and hurt. Let yourself FEEL! Go through the grieving process. So often, we want to put on a brave face, but feeling pain deep inside will get you to the place of actually being okay.
You may even experience numbness or pain in a certain part of your body. Loss is difficult to experience. Sometimes talking to a person you can trust is helpful. You may not need advice at that moment; maybe all you need is an ear to listen to your feelings.
Learn to Forgive
Forgiveness… sometimes is a hard nut to swallow, especially when we’ve been hurt by a loss. But resentment and unwillingness to forgive only serve to keep you stuck in the past.
What’s important to remember is that when you forgive someone, you aren’t only doing it for the other person; you’re also doing it for yourself. If you don’t remember anything else, remember this – forgive and let go.
Final Thoughts
Hopefully you know that you are not what others say you are – they are only opinions and yours is the most important opinion to listen to.
You are not your pain, your past, or your feelings. Often, it’s our self-talk that gets in the way of who we choose to be. Learning from our mistakes and choices enables us to let go and grow in a stronger sense of self.
Carl Jung said, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
I’ll leave you with a final thought about knowing how to let go. I often hear this song, which speaks this message:
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
- The Beatles
